the B word

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Bridezilla, that is.

How do I feel about that word?

In my "real life" of academics, writing, studying, friends and family, I am an organized soul. I highlight, file, pencil dates in my calender, take notes and organize. This is what I like to do, and I like it.

In my "wedding life" of custom made dresses, food tasting and wedding meetings, I highlight, file papers, pencil dates in my calender, take notes and organize. I even have a blog to keep track of inspiration.

So why is that when I apply my personal skills to wedding planning and expect organization from myself and others, I am considered a "bridezilla"?

Even in jest it can hurt. Seriously. I've been called it twice already by friends/family, and I laugh it off, because I don't want anyone to feel awkward, but really - it's not cool.

I know my faults - I'm very strong willed, stubborn and I know what I want, but when you apply these skills to a woman, I'm called controlling. It is really irritating.

If I were a boy (thanks Beyonce) I would be called forceful and it would be deemed appropriate that I know what I want. Seriously. I grew up around stubborn, opinionated men and they are praised for their characteristics. Is it really a surprise that I have these characteristics, when it's all I grew up in?

My fiance is not a forceful guy. He is chill. He'll do what he wants. If it's something I want to do as well, great. He'll come along with me. If it's something I want to do and he doesn't, too bad for me. He's not going to do what he doesn't want to do. He's calm. He's serene. He grounds us. He is quiet around my family, who is full of talk and gossip and laughter and jokes. He blends in with the crowd rather than trying to take the spotlight for himself.

All beautiful qualities I love about him.

But when you place that quiet, thoughtful, shy man around me - a loud, opinionated, determined woman - the contrast is so much more and all of the sudden I'm taking the "masculine" role in determining where we live, how we spend our money, when we travel home and that's how we roll. It's how we work.

So when others come around disrespecting me by calling me bridezilla and disrespecting my relationship with my fiance, by assuming I run all over him and control him and ignore his wishes, it's upsetting. Very upsetting.

There are woman and men out there who do go crazy when they get engaged, and it can go to their heads, but the word is bitch, not bridezilla. Chances are they were crazy before, and this time of their lives gives them the chance for total domination.

But that ain't me.